A Father's Love

Every little girl wants to be daddy's little princess, to be the apple of his eye and know that he is there to protect and love her. As a child I longed for my daddy to pick me up, swing me around and tell me he loved me.

Love from my daddy was something I never remember feeling. There was no communication, no support for my mother and no feeling of being wanted. My daddy didn’t fill my childhood desires,but as all children do, I daydreamed of the daddy I yearned for. I learned plenty about my daddy from all my family; there was much rage, anger and abuse. I have vivid memories of outbursts, dogs afraid of his voice, and to this day, I dislike balloons popped close to me, because he was amused that I was so frightened by that and seemed to entertain himself with my fears.

I was always in search of a father figure who would make me feel loved and significant. And it didn’t take me long to find that the more I tried to fill up my empty places, the more frustrated and lonely I felt. I had many close friends, most with homes still intact. At that time, I was the unusual one with divorced parents. I had a vulnerability that was visible to some, and those that preyed on that vulnerability. I envied my friends with complete families and daddies that went to the dances, were at the parent night at school, and cheered on the sidelines for their little girls.

When I married, I thought my new husband was going to fill in all my empty gaps with his love. He was only one mortal human being. And his love is great, far greater than any I have known on earth but it wasn't the love that I ached for all my life. My husband's love is the biggest blessing in my life and I cannot imagine my life without him. When we married, before we had children, I asked him would he stay forever because I never wanted my kids to question a parental love like I did. He stayed and while our marriage was not perfect, nor were we perfect parents we could not love our boys any more than we do. They were (are) our whole world. They are a little bit of both of us and they are perfect. But even the love of my husband and my precious boys can't compare to the love of Another.

I had to learn that no person, possession, profession or position ever fills an empty heart. It’s an emptiness that only God can fill. I struggle often with being loved and at times I try to push those I love away. If I wan't good enough for my daddy's love, who's love am I good enough for? What is wrong with me that my daddy couldn't love me, and stay for me?  I love unconditional, but with reserve. Some people take that as snobby, discontent, and some even make assumptions of my moods but they are usually way off base. I cautiously observe in new situations, environments and new people. 

My earthly daddy didn’t encourage me and love me as I’d dreamed. I was never told I was beautiful by my father, I was never calmed in a storm by my father, but I also never argued with my father about the clothes I wanted to wear or the boy I wanted to date. But I have come to know the love of my heavenly Father. And anything I try to use as a substitute for Him will never make me feel complete. My heavenly Father is all that I need. He loves me unconditionally, He will never leave me, abuse me, hate me, resent me or turn His back on me. He is the one that will always be with me. He sees ME, the me HE created.

1.) He sees my beauty and joy. “For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb, I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works…” Psalm 139:13-14. I imagine the heavenly Father holding me, His child and talking to me as only a parent can with words of love and affirmation. I need to see the beauty he created in me and have joy from the blessings he has brought me.

2.) He sees my uniqueness and vulnerability. Jesus describes himself as shepherd and his children as sheep to help me understand my relationship with him.

“He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice…I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.“ John 10:3-4, 11

He knows each one of us intimately—by name. Nothing is hidden from him (even the numbers of hairs on our head) Matthew 10:30. Yet I need protection and guidance and God provides it for me.

I recently witnessed the shepherd with their sheep on a trip to Israel and it was very fascinating to me that this care is still practiced there. It was a very visual picture of how my Shepherd is with his sheep.
3.)  I know that the Father recognizes my eternal nature. He has given it to me. He desires that I have an eternal relationship with him.  Not only am I seen by God as His child, but I have learned to see others differently. Paul writes to the Corinthians about how our vision changes once we know Christ. “From now on, therefore, we regard no one from a human point of view; even though we once knew Christ from a human point of view, we know him no longer in that way. So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!” 2 Corinthians 5:16-17

My family portrait will not ever look like anyone else's. My family portrait consisted of three people; a mother and her two children. In Christ, our family portrait is forever altered. Each child is seen as a person of beauty and joy, as an individual who is unique and vulnerable, and as one who has an eternal nature. How blessed we are to see through our Father’s eyes! I pray daily to see myself through Christ's eyes and to know that I am more than what my earthly father has made me believe. I am a child of God, above all, and I wait for the day that He welcomes me home to his arms.

Jerusalem, nothing flat about that!

I have been jet lagged, spent time with family in the hospital, dealt with things that were not of my choosing and to say the least, did not finish my Israel blog, so I am attempting to finish now a week after our return to the States. Barring any sudden attack, kids in trouble, dogs barfing or emergency call for something that is not, here we go.

Jerusalem is amazing. I can honestly say that I felt so safe there. Yes, the Israeli military carry automatic weapons all over there and yes, these automatic weapon toting military are just mere babies but they all wanted to talk. They love Americans and they all said they are behind our great country.

I know that we only got to see a very small bit of the Jerusalem that we would have liked to see with unlimited amount of time. I am so grateful to our fearless leaders for their talks about the places we saw and their patience with all our questions and teasing.. Mark & Sheree did a fabulous job with the particulars of the trip and I am so grateful for them. We saw more than we would have ever been able see if we were just "winging it". 

When we arrived in Jerusalem, it was early evening and we rested a bit and went to dinner with friends. We went to a restaurant called Rimons; upon waiting for a table, you are asked if you want the meat side or the dairy side, as it is not kosher to mix the two in Israel. We chose the meat side but didn't know that the fish menu was on the dairy side. Ya live and learn right? We shared an appetizer of pita and hummus that was wonderful. We had veal schnitzel and grilled potato (Randy got a rice side) and Debbie got a salad for her meal, that was amazing. They don't cover all their foods with gravies and sauces because the seasoned flavors stand on their own. Our waitress was just the cutest thing, named Shir (pronounced sheer) and is the Hebrew word for song. 

Randy & Debbie with our waitress, Shir

We were staying at the Rosary Sisters hostile which was quaint and cozy but I found the stone structure to be quite cold for me. The showers were HOT and that was wonderful. 

Day 2

After breakfast we all went out as a group walking to the Church of the Holy Sepulcre. This was interesting and faith reassuring. The things were saw here were the things that were held by tradition in the findings to be the actual things and locations concerning the death, burial and resurrection of Christ.

 At the gate of the church

 The courtyard and entry of the church

 This was the stone that Christ's body was laid on to prepare for burial.

 This was a very solemn moment for both of us.

 This was the mural above the stone that Christ's body was placed on.

 At the top of Golgotha where the cross where Jesus died.

On the steps of the church.

Our next place to visit was in the Jewish quarter of the Old City. We had to go through a security check to enter this quarter. The Western Wailing Wall was our next place to see in the Jewish quarter,

In order to pray at the wall, the men had to put on Jewish kippas. Her is Jim Bob and Donovan sporting their kippas. 

 There is a tall wall dividing the men's side and the women's side. This is the women's side and the women had to have their heads covered to go up to the wall to pray.

 People wrote handwritten notes and crammed them in any crack they could get them in.

Jim Bob and I in front of the Wailing Wall.

Next we went to the Davidson Museum. We watched a video that better explained the route that young men took to make their sacrifices in Jerusalem. 

 Part of the first century road was collapsed and roped off.

 Jim Bob walking on the very first century road that Christ walked on to enter the Jerusalem market place.

 In the Jerusalem market place and where a vendor would set up his wares for others to come by to view.

 They said the smallest stone in this area weighed right at 2 tons and they didn't have all the equipment that we have now. How did they do it all?

 To show how thick the stones for the 1st century road are.

 Jim Bob and I playing, climbing and having fun.

A great shot of the 1st century road.

We visited The Church of St. Anne, which is a beautiful 12th-century Crusader church, erected over the traditional site of the birthplace of Anne (Hannah), the mother of Mary. It is an excellent example of Romanesque architecture.

St. Anne's Church was built between 1131 and 1138 to replace a previous Byzantine church. The church is right next to the Bethesda Pool, believed to be the site where Jesus healed a paralytic (John 5:1-15). Here you can see ruins of a Roman temple to the god of medicine and remains of a Byzantine church built over the temple.

While we were at St. Anne's we sang hymns and the acoustics are the most beautiful I have ever heard. Even with our very amateur acapella voices, it sounded angelic. I could have sang for hours.

After leaving St. Anne's, we strolled out the Lion Gate and down a very steep hill to the Garden of Gethsemane. For Jim Bob, this was one of the places in Jerusalem that he most wanted to go. The idea of praying in the same location that Jesus prayed "Let this cup pass from me" was of the utmost importance. The garden itself is very beautiful and very well maintained. The olive trees have some extremely huge trunks. It is claimed that one of them actually dates back to the time when Jesus was in the garden 2016 years ago. A very humbling place to be and a great place for prayer and meditation on the Word.

 Olive trees at the Garden of Gethsemane

 Prayer time. This was to him the most important moment of the trip.

This rock is suggested to be the rock that Jesus prayed on while in the Garden that fateful night.

Afterwards it was a hike back up the hill to the Lions Gate followed by shopping till we were dropping. We found some good deals on several souvenir items that we were looking for. 

Dinner, that night was at the Armenian Tavern in the Armenian quarter near the Jaffa Gate. The food was excellent once again. The mixed grill was very good but the best thing was the Baklava. It had a layer of pistachios that really made the flavor burst. 

We also had our mock awards/Roast after dinner. Here is the video that our friend Christopher Stephens posted on YouTube.

And thus ended our second day in Jerusalem.

Day 3 in Jerusalem

Day 3 was all about shopping for us. Some of our group went to Caesarea Maritima to see the amphitheater and the hippodrome and other ruins there. We decided along with Debbie Daw, that we were ruined on ruins and would get as much shopping done as we could before Shabbat which started at 2-3pm. Once Shabbat started everything closed. I am convinced that Friday night and Saturday are boring and restaurants are hard to find. 

We started by sleeping until breakfast at 7:30 eating and then going back to bed. We finally got out of the convent at about 10 and took a stroll to Ben Yehuda street. It is like an open air mall. Lots of shops and food and shops and more food. Jim Bob had his fun haggling with vendors over prices. He did pretty good at it to. The secret is to know what you want to pay for the item and then low ball it. For example he bought a hand crafted silver Jerusalem cross pendant for my anniversary present. The vendor wanted 1250 shekels or $321 for it. He wanted to pay $100. He told the guy that he would pay $75 for it. Then the guy offered it at $150 and added a silver chain. JB said $100. The guy made one more offer of $125. Thats when JB's wing man Michael said that we could get it at the shop down David Street for less than $100. JB pulls the turn to go move and the price was set at $100. Believe me, they still profited but JB was excited about saving $221. He played the game a lot.

JB here: I have got to be the one to tell you about lunch. As we were walking back toward the convent we decided to have lunch at a burger place called Iwo's. Now a little setup is needed here. Since Israel is very Jewish, there are food restrictions in place at restaurants. One of the biggest for several of us was the prohibition against bacon and also the prohibition concerning putting meat and dairy together. Needless to say when you order a burger in Israel it is not going to have cheese or bacon on it. That being said we go into Iwo's and I begin perusing the menu board to decide what kind of burger I would have. All of a sudden Debbie says "they have bacon on their toppings." I looked up and lo and behold...BACON!!! Not only bacon but cheese too! I was like the dog on the Bacon Strips commercial. Oh Yes! I had my holy grail. A Bacon Cheeseburger in the middle of Jerusalem. 

My very non-kosher burger in Jerusalem. 

I made sure to post this picture to my Facebook page and within a very short 5-10 minutes I had text messages asking for the directions from others in our group. 

Oh and I did take care of Randy Daw and bought him a bacon cheeseburger too. He was the driver who had to go to Caesarea. I wanted to make sure he did not miss out. 

After lunch we took Randy's burger and Debbie back to the convent so Debbie could rest and Randy could eat. Stacy and I went back into the Old City to do some T-shirt shopping for Randy and Debbie. We had found a great T-shirt guy the night before and needed to go back anyway. Stacy has some really beautiful embroidered shirts that we bought from him. While there we also bought a bigger suitcase to accommodate all the souvenirs that we were coming back to the states with.

Finding the T-shirt vendors shop turned out to be a bit of an adventure, but after a few wrong turns and an accidental trip through a back alley hookah bar, we finally found him. 

After getting back just as Shabbat was starting, we took a nap for a bit and then we tagged along with Randy and Debbie and Mark and Sheree Shipp to an Italian place called Foccaccios. The food there was amazing but we had to sit on the patio because we did not have reservations. They had a great propane heater to keep us warm. I had the seafood pasta. It was homemade pasta in a white wine cream sauce with shrimp, calamari, and mussels. Like I said...Amazing. I have never tasted anything like it. 

The company we had was a blast too. What started out as 6 of us became 9 when more of our group were shown to the patio. We had a lot of fun poking fun at each other and situations that occurred on  the trip.

On the walk back Randy decided to have a little fun with Kim over her fear of the Ibex and ran past her yelling Ibex! Ibex! Ibex! Stacy said something about old goats. But Kim, however, didn't miss a beat after finding out about Randy's fear of rabbits a few days earlier, hopped at him yelling "Bunny Rabbit! Bunny Rabbit! Bunny Rabbit!

We were able to finally get a group picture with everyone in it after trying over and over again throughout the trip. This is great group of people and we have come to love and appreciate them so much.

Our final day while waiting to fly back to the US was spent at the Israel Museum near Hebrew University. It is probably the best museum that we have ever been in. They have a very impressive collection of art and history. The pictures below are representative of just some of the amazing things held in their collections. The campus itself encompasses many acres of land and several buildings dedicated to different functions. We spent most of our time in the arts and archaeology buildings.

This was a center piece of the museums top level. Like everywhere else in Jerusalem there were a lot of stairs.

They had the display below which were Edomite idolatry artifacts from the dig at Tel Tamar, where we stayed and worked on the Roman bath house a few days earlier. These pieces were found shattered at the high place altar to the left of the Tamar gate. Given the level of strata that these were found lends itself to proof of the edict from Josiah. The biblical account is found in 2 Kings 23:8, "Josiah brought all the priests from the towns of Judah and desecrated the high places, from Geba to Beersheba, where the priests had burned incense. He broke down the gateway at the entrance of the Gate of Joshua, the city governor, which was on the left of the city gate."

 A little later we found a display of artifacts that were dedicated with the title "Jesus of Galilee" There were not many but some of the items that stood out are below.

 The heel bone of a man who was crucified by the Romans. In this case, the spike was driven through the side of the heel and into the side of the cross. It is indicative of the pain and torture that Christ endured on the cross.

 This inscription bears the name of Pontius Pilate who is forever link with Jesus as the man that sent him to the cross. In my opinion, he was a man who was put in a bad spot that he could not get out of,

 This box is called an ossuary. It is where a persons bones were kept after decomposition. This one just happens to be the ossuary of Jesus' chief accuser Caiaphas, the High Priest.

Another predominate feature of the museum is a model of 1st century Jerusalem. We enjoyed several walks around it while taking it in from different perspectives. 

 The 2nd Temple which was destroyed in 70AD

 Stacy with the Temple compound in the background.

After leaving this wonderful museum, We still had 5 hours to kill. So what other choice did we have but to hang out, relax, and once again, do some shopping. At 7:30pm we loaded up and made the trip from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv to Ben Gurion Airport and El Al for the flight home. It was not without incident though. As we got to the airport, Our driver (Randy) said that he thought we needed to turn down a certain road. That road ended up being a dead end and was lined with razor wire. So it was make a 7 point turn to get turned around and get back to where we needed to be. We made it to the departure area with plenty of time to spare but it was time to bid farewell to this wonderful country and our amazing vacation.  

I guess our next entry will be reflections and take aways from this trip. We learned and experienced so much. It is going to be hard to know where to begin to process it but we will try to do so and do it quickly.