"You don't have a mental illness".
We don't want a mental illness, we never asked for it or would we wish it on the person that has caused us the most hurt in this world. By not acknowledging our chemical imbalance says that you believe we do things just because we want to, cry because we are trying to make you feel guilty, intentionally feel bad about ourselves or worthless because we have nothing better to do. Our chemical imbalance comes from generational lines or abuse we sustained as a young infant or child. Acknowledge that people struggle, say a prayer with them but listen. Refusing to talk to another person completely invalidates that person even more. We already feel like we are not worth anyone's time and someone just solidified that feeling.
"You have to stop letting people get in your head".
The problem with that is these people were in my heart before my head. Most people in the world, I could care less if they are trying to get in my head, their opinion does NOT matter a hill of beans to me. Those that do "get in my head" and say or do things hurtful are the ones that mattered to me. I think I can probably count on just two hands the people that have the power to truly break me. They are also the people that I love most in the world, that is not saying that love is returned but that is why they are able to get in my head. They know too much about me, they have turned others against me, they have spoken untruths (or maybe they believe their own version of the truth) or they are that close to me.
I have to be able to get people out of my heart before eradicating them from my head...but do I want that?
"What do you have to be depressed about, count your blessings instead."
You are so right! My blessings are enormous, my husband of thirty plus years still goes to bat for me, is my biggest defender, protector, and is truly the air that I breathe. He can also be one of those that can be the most hurtful. He tells me I have to "fix" it because of a friendship of his when I am MORE than willing to fix anything I have messed up. I readily know my mistakes, my flaws, my disjointed and when I become emotionally detached. I have so many blessings that I don't know why I get down. There is no reason other than my medication isn't properly getting into my system.
To be brutally honest, I fight my body and mind every day. I had the Duodenal switch weight loss surgery in 2010 and went from 390lbs to 117lbs in less than a year. Over 270lbs lost and I have kept it off only gaining up to 140lbs before coming back down. My body doesn't absorb fats but it also doesn't absorb vitamins and medications properly. Even though I take medications for depression/anxiety, it depends on my metabolism that day as to what my body has absorbed. I fight, I struggle, I laugh and I love endlessly. I get so much joy out of serving and helping others but all of the work I was doing has ceased and I find myself very lost. I am not a TV watcher or an idol person so I struggle and depression sinks its teeth in. You want answers? Well, so do I! How do I keep my serotonin levels where they should be?
"What is with everyone having depression/anxiety now days?"
That is the million dollar question BUT by saying that to someone that may be talking to you about their struggles, really can train wreck the conversation. It almost sounds like you are saying that everyone is using it as an excuse for their behavior. I find that everyone is allowed to speak their mind but I am not. Everyone needs to be heard but I am silenced. I am told to STAND up for myself and when I do, I am told to sit down and shut up. My opinion is asked for only out of courtesy but never acknowledged or considered. The areas I am expert on, I rarely am asked for my thoughts.Someone with no knowledge has made a poor decision because they have the authority to. Being overlooked, down-cased, or viewed as broken is what hurts. People telling you that they missed you should bring joy to your heart unless it is followed by "I made such a mess today. I missed you because I had to clean it up myself." This is not how I want to be missed.
"Suicide is selfish".
There are a lot of selfish people in the world but in a mind with a chemical imbalance, that person believes they are helping everyone else by making everyone free of them. I AM disposable, anyone can do and is doing what I used to do. If I am replaceable, why not just rid the world of me. People desire certain people to be around them, to work for them or to be friends with them. People have a preconceived notion of what or who they want and they work to get it. They work to make it happen and they believe things that are not true to justify their actions. I won't do anything that is unethical or wrong or intentionally cause harm to someone I love, but just because I treat others with dignity and respect does not mean it is returned to me. People will also continue to belittle you after the loss of a job or friendship by harassment and many will view that as okay. It depends on the day and the mood as to whether harassment is worthy of the fight or not. Constant belittlement is what chips away at the soul until we can't take it any longer.
We are all longing to belong, to be appreciated and to be loved...unconditionally. For people with chemical imbalance unconditional doesn't always come. What others THINK of you matters to some people. How you make others feel who won't take the time to get to really KNOW you but just want to condemn you and blame you for their uncomfortable feelings.
When meetings, outings or get-togethers are constantly cancelled, you eventually stop making plans for that person. It does really hurt especially if that person is in your heart. When other people always come first and you never move up in line, you believe those voices that say, "you are unimportant, you were unwanted and you are replaceable".
Stop saying things that hurt others. Think before you speak and stop emailing or texting and stay off Facebook, because what you mean and how you say it is not how it comes across in black and white.
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