The endurance of the daylily

And why are ye anxious concerning raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:     Matthew 6:28

Two things are spoken of in this scripture; one is my favorite and one is the thing I beg God to correct every day in prayer. 

Lilies are my favorite flower; Stargazer lilies. They are beautiful and proud. A varied shade of pinks and pleasingly fragrant. I moved to a new house this time last year and I moved one of my lilies with me. It was potted, but after a year with the winds and rains, it sits in the flower bed; its bulb roots exposed, its leaves as green and beautiful as ever. The endurance of this flower, left alone but determined to survive should be what my faith attests to. The lily has no one to impress, no one to encourage it, no one to make everything better, yet it lets nothing stand in the way of its survival. It will persevere despite my neglect and inattention. What does it have that I lack?

As stated in Matthew 6:28, "why be anxious concerning raiment", and although I am not worried about my clothing, my anxiety can overwhelm me, it can flip me out of my pot and leave my roots exposed, alone and struggling. I am never alone but there are times it feels like just that. 

Anxiety is the thing I pray to never have in my life. I know the battle belongs to the Lord but many days I feel my battle is alone, without anyone. I would say my anxiety has reached a critical level only 3 times in my life. Once in 1996, once in 2008 and now in 2016. Those that have never struggled with anxiety do not understand. It can truly make you feel broken and forever damaged. If my heart is out of rhythm, I would have many supporters, and many praying but when my brain is out of rhythm, something totally out of my control and most assuredly without my consent, I need to "snap out of it" or "count my blessings" There are so many phrases one mutters that has never experienced this debilitating attack of anxiety. 

Compassion, understanding, and love are all that is needed. I will never in my life stop taking medication but I also don't play games with it. I am consistent, I am persistent and I don't let up on them. Although sometimes they let up on me and need adjusting or changed. 

I want to have the endurance of the lily. When anxiety beats me down, I need to have the strength to stand tall, stay green and fight for what I want, even when I feel like there is no fight left in me.

As I head out to pick up the lily, put it in fresh soil and tend it back to perfect health, I want to do the same. I want to start fresh and feel good about things. I may not understand everything, I may be hurt and betrayed, beat down by wind and weather, but I can choose to survive or I can choose to die...